Last August TV hostess Kelly Ripa commented on her Botox use. “It’s when my kids start asking me if I’m mad at them, and I say, ‘Why do you think I’m mad at you?’ They say ‘it’s because I’m frowning.’ I go, ‘Oh no! I am? I’ll be right back!’”
Her words have swirled in my head for six months now. I’m neither condoning nor condemning her choice. I’m going to ignore how this raises the issue of our cultural aversion to aging. I’m going to let the many words written about the impact that Botox may have on our children stand for themselves. Instead, I want to focus on the face of our parenting. Because parenting is a balance of doing and being. When our face looks like Leonardo Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa or Edvard Munch’s The Scream it gives clues not only to those around us about our state of being, but it clues us in, as well.
Researchers estimate that between 60-90% of our communication is non-verbal. We speak more with our bodies than with our mouths. Setting aside what we’re saying to everybody else, what are we saying to ourselves? And how can we listen?
Try a simple experiment. Set a timer randomly to chime at five different times of the day when you are interacting with your children. If you freeze your face right at that moment and look in the mirror, what do you see? What does it tell you about what you are feeling? Our faces reflect our internal state of mind. At the end of the day, if you add up the five images, are you leading the parenting life you want to be? What changes is your face asking you to make?
Our emotions flow across our faces like a dynamic map, leading the observer straight into our hearts. In essence, we wear our insides on our outsides. Our faces beautifully communicate the richness and complexity of our thoughts, feelings, and connections to our children. Consider your expressions, your face, a gift to your children, and to you as well. Cherish and embrace it.
Let’s face it, beauty is absolutely skin deep.